


anguish

by ads1008



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Confession, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester, post 15x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 08:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30069714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ads1008/pseuds/ads1008
Summary: Dean processes what just happened after Cas is taken by the empty.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 4





	anguish

**Author's Note:**

> I hope yall enjoy. Please comment.

The world fell quiet. The pounding had exceeded, and Dean found himself alone on the floor. The only sound echoing off of the walls were his shallow sobbings and pleadings. Begging for a miracle. His phone rang once again. Dean noticed it was Sam calling once again, probably thinking he was dead like all of the others they loved. All he wanted to do was throw his phone against the wall and forget the world around him. All he wanted to do was disappear into the darkness. His heart ached for his best friend. The ringing finally stopped but the messages started rolling in. 

Sam:   
Dean, please call me back. 

Sam:  
Everyone is gone, please pick up and let me know you are okay. 

Sam:  
Jack is asking about you and Cas. Please call back.

Sam:   
Dean?

Dean took in a calming breathe so as not to sound like he just spent several hours crying his eyes out. He needed to sound okay if not for his brother and surrogate son but for himself. Dean dialed Sam’s number as he picked himself up off the floor. He looked around as he walked towards the door seeing every detail of the events unfold in front of him. He ran a hand along the chair that once separated him and Cas. He walked closer to the door hearing Sam frantically call his name, but he just ignored it as he ran his fingers along the sigil that Cas had made. Then without a second thought, he placed a hand over the bloody handprint that was left. He could still feel his touch. All he could think about was how this damn handprint started their journey and it now ended it. A single tear slipped down his cheek as he refocused his thoughts to Sam’s voice. 

“Where are you at? I will meet you.” Sam gave him the location and then Dean hung up the phone without another word.

The car was quiet with the tape deck still being broken. Life had gotten a little busy to really bother fixing it. Dean sighed hating the thought of being stuck in the car for seven hours with only his thoughts. The pounding echoing with every passing car. The words I love you on a repeat. His inner monologue filling in the gaps of what he would have said if Cas hadn’t pushed him out of the way. I love you too. Please don’t leave me. Ever. I need you. Was it crazy of him that for a split second he thought being swallowed by the empty with Cas would have been his happiest moment? Then he would have been with Cas forever instead of driving on this long empty road alone. 

The sun began to rise as he was pushing four hours on the road. They weren’t spent without a little bit of grief. A memory would pop into Dean’s mind. The one that always seemed to stuck was the time he had to wrap Cas’s body for burning. Dean never thought he would have to say goodbye to him again and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Rage boiled beneath the surface. He gripped the steering wheel tight. 

Don’t do that again!

It got him dead, maybe you can forget about that, but I can’t!

Welcome home.

Too damn long.

Cas don’t do this. 

Why does this sound like a goodbye? Because it is. Goodbye Dean. 

I love you. 

I love you.

Dean pounded against the steering wheel letting out a scream. He pulled over being unable to control his emotions. He yelled and cursed and cried until he was close to losing his voice. “You stupid son of a bitch. Why did you have to leave me!” He collapsed over the wheel as the dam inside of him broke. His tears fell one by one causing his shirt to become wet He leaned back covering his face trying to get his shit together. He had people to save even though he could save one damn angel. He sat there for what felt like forever his phone chimed once again. It was from Sam. 

Sam:  
How close are you?

Dean collected himself and pulled back onto the road. He had three hours left to go. 

Dean pulled into town seeing that there wasn’t a single soul left. What had Chuck done? As he drove farther, he saw Sam and Jack. They looked just as broken as him. What happened? How was he going to tell them that Cas was gone? Jack would be devasted. That would mean he lost his dad, and he had no way of being able to bring him back this time. Dean took a deep breath and touch the mark one more time to give him strength. He needed all the strength he could get right now.


End file.
